God Can Always Break Through!
I was born into a rural family with four older sisters. As the youngest son, I understood that the only way to change the future as a village boy was to study hard, go to a good university, be successful, and bring honor to the family. I devoted myself to learning, consistently ranking at the top of my class. But when I was thirteen, I was diagnosed with primary immune thrombocytopenia, a rare blood disorder where any injury could lead to uncontrollable bleeding. My life revolved between school, home, and hospital visits. Then an internal bleeding forced me to drop out of school and study from home.
I struggled to find meaning and value in my existence. Without education, I felt my future was bleak, and my deteriorating health only added to the burden on my family. I often found myself sitting in front of my house staring at the sky, questioning the unfairness of it all. Why is the old heavenly being so unfair to me. I had a loving family, but had poor health and could not study to achieve my dreams. During this desperate time, my aunt invited me to attend their Bible school. With nothing else to do at home, I agreed.
For 2 weeks we studied the life of Jesus. It was the first time I truly understood Jesus’ story. His sacrificial love at the cross deeply touched me. I then felt a miraculous sense of rejuvenation and was no longer weak. When I returned home, I told my parents that I wanted to go back to school. However, within two weeks, I suffered another internal bleeding. This setback plunged me again into the depths of despair. But at the end of human strength lies the beginning of God's power.
My aunt invited me back to Bible school, where a special speaker talked about Romans 8:28. The pastor explained that God uses hardships and illnesses to draw us closer to Him, and I realized that God used my illness to draw me closer to Him. So, I decided to dedicate my life to serving Him, to follow His path, and to equip myself through studying the Bible. But I still wanted to take full control of my life and pursue my dream of a secular education. So, God continued to intervene until I finally surrendered. In March 2008, I entered my aunt's Bible school, where I confessed and repented, surrendering my life to Jesus. In Christ, I became a new creation, not only spiritually but also physically. Since the day I put my trust in Him, my thrombocytopenia, which had stubbornly plagued me, never returned. I have not needed any medication since then. In fact, I stand before you today, a living testimony to His miracles. According to my current platelet count, I should be lying in a hospital bed, under observation, at risk of bleeding at any moment. Yet, I am as healthy as anyone else, even if I get a scratch or cut, it doesn't bleed badly. This is God's mark on me, a beautiful reminder that my life belongs to Him. Everything I have should be dedicated to serving Him, to be used by Him.
I went through various theological trainings and served in different capacities away from my parents. The only thing I asked of God was for Him to protect my family, especially my parents. They have suffered a lot because of me. They were getting older, but still had to work hard. I prayed, “I have completely devoted myself to You. Please protect my family." But in December 2014, 6 years after I vowed to follow Christ, I received a tearful call from my father, urging me to return home quickly because my mother was in a critical condition. That night, I rushed back home, and along the way, my only prayer was, "God, please save my mother. Don't take her away. I'm willing to give up fifteen years of my life if it means she can have five more years.” I thought five years was enough time for me to fulfill her greatest wish, which was to see me get married and have children. Yet, when I returned home, my mom had already passed away. I wailed uncontrollably. The closest person to me in this world had left me. At that time, my mom was only 58 years old, and I was 22.
After my mother's funeral, I left home again, leaving my family behind to start my theological studies in the Philippines. I thought I had moved on from the pain of losing my mother, but the impact had only just begun. Many nights, I would dream of my mother and wake up crying. I would hide from my roommates to cry in secret. Worse, I began to resent God, doubting His goodness. I couldn't understand why He didn't answer my simple prayer. Why would he take away the closest person I had in this world? I had given up everything to follow and serve Him, why did he not do this one thing for me—to protect my family? I became like the prodigal son, deliberately sinned against Him, ran away from Him, lived a double life. I struggled with my faith, and it caused a lot of chaos within me. However, God didn't abandon me, He DID NOT give up on me. The more I rebelled and distanced myself, the deeper emptiness I felt in my heart BUT the clearer I heard His call, urging me to return to Him. Eventually, God prevailed. I found myself on the rooftop of my dormitory every night, holding a lamp, reading the Psalms, singing hymns, and then kneeling down to pray and weep, "Lord, though I don't understand why You did this, I choose to believe in Your goodness. I believe you are still in control, you make no mistakes. Help me, give me faith to trust in You.”
A few years later, God led me to CCF Beyond, the mission's department of CCF. I became one of the Missionary Partners who helped train other churches and Christian communities in Asia how to do discipleship and church-planting. I also got married in 2019 and now have two sons with my wife, a 5-year-old and an 8-month-old. I wish my mother were still with us to experience all that God has given me.
It still pains my heart when I think about my mother, but I no longer hold a grudge against God. I see His plan, and I understand that she is with Jesus, enjoying eternal life. It was that painful experience which revived my spiritual life, it deepened my relationship with God. When we serve God, we often have certain expectations and bargain with Him. We say things like "God, I've sacrificed this for You; can You do this for me? I gave this up to serve You, can You keep/protect this and that for me? But the real question is, “Are we willing to make sacrifices to serve Him and will we keep moving forward even when things go wrong?”
Even after being a missionary for years, my faith was once again tested in 2023 when my colleagues and I were arrested in my home country for doing discipleship training with believers. The police entered the venue of our gathering and surrounded us to stop our illegal religious activities. I thought, "This is it. We're going to be locked up, and if they are going to be strict with us, we might even be sentenced. If I'm imprisoned, who will take care of my wife and children? Who will take care of my family?" Desperate thoughts flooded my mind. I began to pray in my heart, asking God to deliver us from the hands of our enemies and give us wisdom and courage to face it all. The officers confiscated our phones, books, materials, Bibles, and hymnals. We were interrogated continuously for 11 hours. By God’s grace, we were released and grateful not to have been imprisoned.
In the weeks that followed, I received pressure and threats from the authorities. My colleagues and I could no longer work on our ministry. One Sunday, during an online CCF service, they sang "God's Presence” during worship and I burst into tears. The bitterness in my heart surged out. "Lord, where is Your presence? Why have You allowed me to fall into such a hard situation? We desire to serve You, build churches, and glorify Your name. Why am I stuck here, unable to do anything? I am filled with fear and anxiety, and I cannot feel Your presence."
Because of consistent police opposition, the Lord finally led us to serve Him in another country where there is religious freedom. We were afraid we’d be barred from travelling, but with the prayers of many churches, we safely flew out in late 2023. My wife and I felt relieved as if a heavy burden had been lifted off our shoulders.
Today, our partners in my home country are still serving God in secret. Pray that they may continue to be faithful as we also keep in contact with them to do whatever we can for the ministry. Pray for us also as we are reaching out to my fellow countrymen here in the nation we’ve taken refuge in.
So, brothers and sisters, you are so blessed. You can express your faith and follow Jesus freely, sharing the gospel to anyone without any hindrance. Please don't waste the special grace God has given you and know that whatever barriers you may face, God is more than able to break through!